I was goofing off some late last night, Blue Mountain had a little program on line that lets you "dress-up" for Halloween. It was really cute. This is my costume for this year.Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
Thought For the Day:
Van Problem
Got Any Crackers
The latest toy to be recalled by the Chinese!
The fist knocking on the door belonged to a cop. Bracing for the worst, the yard foreman opened the door. "Is that yours?" asked the officer, pointing to a company van that was jutting out into the narrow street.
"Uhh, yes it is," said the foreman. "That is, it's our company's."
"Would you mind moving it?" asked the officer.
"We've set up a speed trap, and the van's causing everyone to slow down."
I was having dinner at a nice restaurant the other night. The couple at the next table were smooching from the moment they sat down. Oh how romantic, young love!
But I couldn't figure out what was going on at their table after the food came. Every time the young man would take a bite, he would jump up and give the girl such a big hug that she would squeal loudly! This bizarre behavior continued about 10 times - he took a bite, gave her a big hug, she squealed....very strange. Everyone was looking!
When my waiter came by I mentioned the 'entertainment' and he said "Oh, we have that all the time in here. You see, that man ordered the Seize Her Salad."
"Uhh, yes it is," said the foreman. "That is, it's our company's."
"Would you mind moving it?" asked the officer.
"We've set up a speed trap, and the van's causing everyone to slow down."
Restaurant Excitement
I was having dinner at a nice restaurant the other night. The couple at the next table were smooching from the moment they sat down. Oh how romantic, young love!
But I couldn't figure out what was going on at their table after the food came. Every time the young man would take a bite, he would jump up and give the girl such a big hug that she would squeal loudly! This bizarre behavior continued about 10 times - he took a bite, gave her a big hug, she squealed....very strange. Everyone was looking!
When my waiter came by I mentioned the 'entertainment' and he said "Oh, we have that all the time in here. You see, that man ordered the Seize Her Salad."
Airport News
A man returned from a trip when a big storm hit their town, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. When he got home and into his bedroom at about 2 a.m., he found his two children in bed with his wife, apparently scared by the loud storm. He resigned himself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night.
The next day, he talked to the children, and explained that it was okay to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but, in the future, when he was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said okay.
After his next trip several weeks later, his wife and the children picked him up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for his plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.
As he entered the waiting area, his son saw him and ran toward him shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!"
As he waved back, Dad said loudly, "What's the good news?"
"Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" the boy shouted.
The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at the man's son, then turned to him, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.
The next day, he talked to the children, and explained that it was okay to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but, in the future, when he was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said okay.
After his next trip several weeks later, his wife and the children picked him up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for his plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.
As he entered the waiting area, his son saw him and ran toward him shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!"
As he waved back, Dad said loudly, "What's the good news?"
"Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" the boy shouted.
The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at the man's son, then turned to him, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.
Got Any Crackers
A duck walks into a bar and asks "Got any crackers?"
Bartender says no.
Duck walks out.
Duck walks in the next day and asks, "Got any crackers?" bartender says no.
Duck walks out.
Duck walks in the next day and asks, "Got any crackers?"
Bartender says, "I told you yesterday and the day before that no! and if you ask that one more time I'll nail your beak shut!"
Duck walks out.
Duck comes back the next day and asks, "Got any nails?" bartender says no.
Duck says "Good. Got any crackers?"
Bartender says no.
Duck walks out.
Duck walks in the next day and asks, "Got any crackers?" bartender says no.
Duck walks out.
Duck walks in the next day and asks, "Got any crackers?"
Bartender says, "I told you yesterday and the day before that no! and if you ask that one more time I'll nail your beak shut!"
Duck walks out.
Duck comes back the next day and asks, "Got any nails?" bartender says no.
Duck says "Good. Got any crackers?"
The latest toy to be recalled by the Chinese!
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