The morning began at a very early hour. Carla was barking like crazy right around 1:15 a.m. In the haze of sleep, I couldn't figure out what actually was goingng on. For moment there I thought that I had locked her outside on the porch and just gone back to bed. But to my amazement when I got to the living room and looked out the back door, where Carla stood barking, I was able to plainly see the sihillote what appeared to be an albino deer. I grabbed the camera and tried to scoot out the door without Carla darting down the into the woods. No such luck. But it was a truly memorable site to see.
Dr. Natalie gave me permission to put this up for everyone to read, it is truly a hoot. Enjoy!
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
Dr. Natalie gave me permission to put this up for everyone to read, it is truly a hoot. Enjoy!
Email & Newsletter Gleanings: Kissing - A means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other.
"Hello?"
"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?"
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool?"
"Is this 486-5731?"
Stolen Turkey
Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?"
"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?"
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool?"
"Is this 486-5731?"
Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?"
"Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it."
"I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?"
"If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family."
Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off.
When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey.
Frisbees
The other day I was standing in the park wondering why Frisbees get bigger and bigger the closer they get.
The other day I was standing in the park wondering why Frisbees get bigger and bigger the closer they get.
Then it hit me.
Walking Home From Church
A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction.
"Hello," said the little boy. "Hi," replied the little girl.
"Where are you going?" asked the little boy.
"I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home," answered the little girl.
"I'm also on my way home from church. Which church do you go to?" asked the little boy.
"I go to the Baptist church back down the road," replied the little girl. "What about you?"
"I go to the Methodist church back at the top of the hill," replied the little boy.
They discover that they are both going the same way so they decided that they'd walk together. They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially flooded the road, so there was no way that they could get across to the other side without getting wet.
"If I get my new Sunday dress wet, my Mom's going to skin me alive," said the little girl.
"My Mom'll tan my hide, too, if I get my new Sunday suit wet," replied the little boy.
"I tell you what I think I'll do," said the little girl. "I'm gonna pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across."
"That's a good idea,"replied the little boy. "I'm going to do the same thing with my suit."
So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on, when the little boy finally remarked ...
"You know, I never realized before just how much difference there really is between a BAPTIST and a METHODIST!!!"
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