I popped in to see Walter this evening and he was in bed tuckered out. He had been to physical therapy and he told me that "they are there to torture him". Then in his state of sleepiness he told me he was going to become a physical therapist so he could torture others as well. Hmm...I just don't think that he would make a good physical therapist - torture isn't in his nature.
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
Thoughts For the Day:
- Always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!
- Good friends are like stars........You don't always see them, But you know they are always there.
- "Whenever God Closes One Door He Always Opens Another, Even Though Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway"
- I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here than a whole truck load when I'm gone.
Should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
- There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
- At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
- The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
- A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
- Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
- You mean the world to someone.
- You are special and unique.
- Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
- When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
- When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
- Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
On a trip to Great Britain while he was President of the United States, Bill Clinton had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth.
During that meeting, he asked her, "How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?"
"That's easy," the Queen replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors."
"But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?", asked Bill.
You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, "Would you please send Tony Blair in."
When Blair arrived, the Queen Said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for me: Your parents had a child and it was not your sister. It also was not your brother. Who was this child?"
Blair replied, "That's easy. The child was me."
"Very good," said the Queen. "You may go now."
Sizing up his wife's chances in her presidential bid, and thinking back on that meeting, Bill Clinton spoke to Hillary. He said to her, "I have a Riddle for you, and the answer is very important. Your parents had a child, and it was not your sister, and it was not your brother. Who was that child?"
Hillary replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer. Can I deliberate on this for awhile?"
"Yes," said Bill, "I'll give you four hours to come up with the answer."
So Hillary called a meeting of her campaign team, from top to bottom, and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. She was quite upset, not knowing what she would tell her husband, the former President. As Hillary was leaving her meeting she ran into her most formidable challenger to her Presidential Nomination, Barack Obama.
So she said, "Mr. Obama, can you answer this riddle for me? Your parents had a child, and it was not your sister, and it was not your brother. Who was the child?"
"That's seems pretty easy," said Obama, "I think the child would be me."
"Oh thank you," said Hillary. "You may just have ensured my nomination for the democratic candidate for the Presidency of the United States!"
So Hillary went back to Bill and said, "I think I know the answer to your riddle. The child was Barack Obama.!"
"No, you dip!" shouted Bill. "The child was Tony Blair."
The bottom line... guess where we're headed if we have the two of them running the country, again.
- How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It. - How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way. - How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path - How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil T he Hell Out Of It. - What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam! - What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's - What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick - What Do You Call Cheese That I sn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese. - What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses. - What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko. - What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk. - What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite. - What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck. - What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef. - Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him. - Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers. - Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog. - What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka. - What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?!
The Location of the Dirt Bag - Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. - What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack. - How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody is Gonna Lose a Trailer.
One Sunday morning, everyone in a bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
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