Very pleasant day. The birds were singing, and I do believe that the crickets are beginning to chime in here in the mornings and just at dusk.
I've been over to the chiropractor nextdoor for the last couple of days - I pinched something in my shoulder over the weekend. It's really helping. Ah...a great back cracking, it surely makes you feel better.
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
THE RULES OF RURAL VIRGINIA ARE AS FOLLOWS:
Listen up City Slickers!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "dirt road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Rt. 60 goes east and west, I-81 goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in Central Virginia waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat tater & gravy, beans & cornbread. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
14. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.
20. 4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska, worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day.
Kenneth
Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers a question time. One little boy puts up his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is?
'Kenneth.'
'And what is your question, Kenneth?'
'I have three questions:
First - Whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?
Second - Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third - Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?'
Just then the bell rings for recess.
Hillary Clinton informs the kids that they will continue after recess.
When they resume, Hillary says, 'Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?' A different little boy puts his hand up. Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is.
'John.'
'And what is your question, John?'
'I have five questions:
First - Whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?
Second - Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third - Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?
Fourth - Why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
Fifth - What happened to Kenneth?'
I've been over to the chiropractor nextdoor for the last couple of days - I pinched something in my shoulder over the weekend. It's really helping. Ah...a great back cracking, it surely makes you feel better.
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
THE RULES OF RURAL VIRGINIA ARE AS FOLLOWS:
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "dirt road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Rt. 60 goes east and west, I-81 goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in Central Virginia waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat tater & gravy, beans & cornbread. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
14. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.
20. 4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska, worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day.
Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers a question time. One little boy puts up his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is?
'Kenneth.'
'And what is your question, Kenneth?'
'I have three questions:
First - Whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?
Second - Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third - Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?'
Just then the bell rings for recess.
Hillary Clinton informs the kids that they will continue after recess.
When they resume, Hillary says, 'Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?' A different little boy puts his hand up. Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is.
'John.'
'And what is your question, John?'
'I have five questions:
First - Whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?
Second - Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third - Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?
Fourth - Why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
Fifth - What happened to Kenneth?'
1 comment:
I think # 20 doesn't apply to city slickers it applies to virginians. Because 4 inches of snow is nothing, we're out shopping, grocery shopping, going to school, and anything else that you would do. In Virginia it would be a blizzard because everything would be closed and people would have stocked up knowing the snow was coming. Otherwise I can agree with the rest.
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