A Yankee friend of mine sent these along to me, some of them did sound a bit too familiar:
- She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
- I'm 'bout as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
- I'm 'bout as happy as a clam at high tide.
- Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
- If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel drive pickup with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
- You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
- Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
- Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
- Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
- The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol'," as in "big ol' truck", or "big ol' boy". "Fixin'" (as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store.") is the 2nd, and "Y'all" is 3rd.
- If you hear a Southern (or some transplanted Yankee) exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" get out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say, or worse still, that you will ever hear.
- If there is a predicition of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It is just something your're suppose to do.
- One last warning but probably the most important one to remember: Be advised that in the South, "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
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