Thursday, June 25, 2009

What a day

Today seems to have become a day of mourning across the country and locally. This morning I heard of that the pastor of Tomahawk Baptist Church, Clay Thornton had passed away. This afternoon it was announced that Farrah Fawcett had died and now they've just announced that Michael Jackson has died. All three were fixtures of my years in middle and high school.

Friday, June 19, 2009

June Over Half Gone Already?

I looked up and finally took note of the date on the calendar. How can it be the 24th of June already? I suppose it is the by-product of being busy, however it would be great to actually have savored a few more hours over the last few weeks.

Business has been busy. I've been involved in two conferences within three weeks. They have been terrific. I really enjoy meeting with the various doctors and their staff members from all over the country.

Walter has been busy continuing the deforestation of the yard. Last month 24 trees fell and just Tuesday eight more came down, followed today by three more. For now I think we are on hold for taking any more down until all of the logs are neatly stacked at the back of the yard. Click here for before and after yard pictures.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Thought For The Day: "If we can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people, under the pretense of taking care of them, they must become happy." -- Thomas Jefferson

Proof That The World Is Nuts

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)

In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination.. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?)

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick?)

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Much worse than 'going blind!')

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)

In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)

In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only 'in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.' (Is this a great country or what?
Well, not as great as Guam !)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Who volunteers for these tests?)

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of?) (Did our government pay for this research??)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Ah, geez.)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that, too.)

And, the best for last?

Turtles can breathe through their butts. (And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

Medical Breakthrough

A French doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.The Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person,put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.An American doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of Illinois , put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work.

Blonde Window View...

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago, and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellooooo...just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

“Helllooooo? It's been a year!”, I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He hasn't called back.

I bet he felt like an idiot.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Mid-week Madness

Here we've arrived at the middle of the week and Walter has finally gotten his sunroof fixed. It has taken him since Saturday evening to get the darn thing to work. The first one he picked up locally wasn't even the right one. After a weekend of frustration, and a productive call to North Carolina. He found the right part out in Orange County. He made the road trip all the way up to Orange County to a used parts store there. The first one didn't work out, so he had to go back for a second one. This worked like a charm. Just in time to keep the rain that is predicted for tomorrow out of the vehicle.

This evening we have been peeling lemons to for our first batch of Limoncello. Yum... It only takes 90 days to prepare and another 6 months to age. It will be worth the wait. Ah...Italy.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:


I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant: "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."

"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!'" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

"My dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my mom to lie down in bed like this." (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'Push, push" and "Breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another "Middle Wife" comes along.

The Garbage Truck Rule of Life

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Garbage Truck Rule of Life.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally.

Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Have a blessed, garbage-free day!


Sometimes we ponder over life's interesting conundrums. Here are a few for you.

Can An Atheist Get Insurance Against Acts Of God?

If Man Evolved From Monkeys And Apes, Why Do We Still Have Monkeys And Apes?

I Went To A Bookstore And Asked The Saleswoman, "where's The Self-help Section?" She Said If She Told Me, It Would Defeat The Purpose.

What If There Were No Hypothetical Questions?

If A Deaf Person Signs Swear Words, Does His Mother Wash His Hands With Soap?

If Someone With Multiple Personalities Threatens To Kill Himself, Is It Considered A Hostage Situation?

Is There Another Word For Synonym?

Where Do Forest Rangers Go To 'get Away From It All?

What Do You Do When You See An Endangered Animal Eating An Endangered Plant?

If A Parsley Farmer Is Sued, Can They Garnish His Wages?

Would A Fly Without Wings Be Called A Walk?

Why Do They Lock Gas Station Bathrooms? Are They Afraid Someone Will Clean Them?

If A Turtle Doesn't Have A Shell, Is He Homeless Or Naked?

Can Vegetarians Eat Animal Crackers?

If The Police Arrest A Mime, Do They Tell Him He Has The Right To Remain Silent?

What Was The Best Thing Before Sliced Bread?

How Is It Possible To Have A Civil War?

If One Synchronized Swimmer Drowns, Do The Rest Drown Too?

If You Ate Both Pasta And Antipasto, Would You Still Be Hungry?

If You Try To Fail And Succeed, Which Have You Done?

Whose Cruel Idea Was It For The Word Lisp To Have 's' In It?

Why Are Hemorrhoids Called Hemorrhoids Instead Of Assteroids?

Why Is It Called Tourist Season If We Can't Shoot At Them?

Why Is There An Expiration Date On Sour Cream?

Friday, June 5, 2009

Conference Surprises

Our conference has started out terrifically, everyone is into the topic being presented by Dr. Martin and everyone seems to be taking away a tremendous amount from it.

I received a big surprise at from one of the doctors at the conference this weekend. Dr. Paul Grussenmeyer, also a talented carver, brought a number of his carvings to share and let me pick one out. I picked out this beautiful necklace it is a morphed butterfly carved in black pearl with black onyx eyes, hanging from a stainless steel cable necklace.

Glancing around at some of the other pieces that he brought I found this beautiful pearl carving of a butterfly on a Greek leather cord. Not in the picture are the carved leaf ends on the cord. Well, of course, I couldn't pass this one up.

You can check out some of his non-jewelry carvings on his website

I'm looking forward to spending some non-conference time with a group of the doctors and their wives. We are going to have some fun later on. What a great group!

The evening turned out wonderfully. A group of nine of us had dinner in the hotel resturant. Lots of laughter and fun. While waiting for the entree to arrive, I noticed a Civil War reenactor in the bar area, not wanting to miss the opportunity for a picture I immediately headed in to get a photo and ask him to come out and visit with the "Yankees" that I was dining with.

It turned out that he was Robert E. Lee (aka Bob Moates). He was so gracious to come out and speak with the group. He was so amazing, completely in 'character'. It made for a great end to a fantastic evening.