I'm planning on picking up Sean on Satuday night so that he can spend the night and visit with me on Sunday.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
I'm planning on picking up Sean on Satuday night so that he can spend the night and visit with me on Sunday.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Walter had a harrowing experience this evening - he went to the post office to pick up a package that the mailman didn't leave and ended up having car trouble. Turned out that the ignition got stuck in the on position and the car wouldn't not shut off. Poor thing was stuck in the car for quite awhile without assistance. I was in a meeting for several hours and he couldn't reach me.
Thank goodness that Tim was available to head over and help him out. They got the car turned off and Walter settled down. I finally got to returning my phone calls and found out the scoop.
Hopefully, "Tomorrow will be a better day."
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo Toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stood Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.
She had a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watched in amazement as she cut a little piece of fabric, wrapped it around two marbles and began to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager burst into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulled himself together and approached Lena.
"I'm sorry," he said to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."
"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
The doctor did give him permission to drive, so at least he can now take his own self to the doctor and pick up a prescription if he needs to without having to wait on someone to take him. I don't think he'll be doing much driving, but it is good to know that he can if he needs to.
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
(Under age 40? You won't understand.)
You could hardly see for all the snow, spread the rabbit ears as far as they go.
Pull a chair up to the TV set, "Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet."
My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.
My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice-pack coolers, but I can't remember getting e coli.
Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.
The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.
We all took gym, not PE, and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Keds (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.
Flunking gym was not an option - even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.
Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention.
We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.
I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.
I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.
Oh yeah . and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!
We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.
Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.
We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either; because if we did, we got our butt spanked there and then we got butt spanked again when we got home.
I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.
To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that?
We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes? We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac! How did we ever survive?
LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA, AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T; SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MISSED. I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING.
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.
Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."
Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
Sunday, January 27, 2008
We headed over across the river this evening to enjoy a delightful evening out with Aunt Barbara and Uncle Jimmy's house. We had a really good time visiting.
Just before we arrived Barbara had had a mishap in the kitchen a Pyrex dish had exploded on the stove top sending glass shards throughout the kitchen, atrium, and dining room. I do believe that they'll be finding additional pieces of glass for the next couple of weeks.
Barbara had been out on a shopping mission for me. I've been looking for a nice black dress for my trip to Italy in the Fall. She came up with this one. It is really cute. She's also going to keep looking to see if she can find one that is a little more flowing along the bottom. If not....it's not a problem. This one will work great. I really appreciate her excellent shopping skills. It was a real steal.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
Thought For the Day: Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast".
Later that night........ Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and knead it.
Friday, January 25, 2008
I popped in to see Walter this evening and he was in bed tuckered out. He had been to physical therapy and he told me that "they are there to torture him". Then in his state of sleepiness he told me he was going to become a physical therapist so he could torture others as well. Hmm...I just don't think that he would make a good physical therapist - torture isn't in his nature.
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
Thoughts For the Day:
- Always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!
- Good friends are like stars........You don't always see them, But you know they are always there.
- "Whenever God Closes One Door He Always Opens Another, Even Though Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway"
- I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here than a whole truck load when I'm gone.
Should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
- There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
- At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
- The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
- A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
- Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
- You mean the world to someone.
- You are special and unique.
- Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
- When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
- When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
- Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
On a trip to Great Britain while he was President of the United States, Bill Clinton had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth.
During that meeting, he asked her, "How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?"
"That's easy," the Queen replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors."
"But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?", asked Bill.
You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, "Would you please send Tony Blair in."
When Blair arrived, the Queen Said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for me: Your parents had a child and it was not your sister. It also was not your brother. Who was this child?"
Blair replied, "That's easy. The child was me."
"Very good," said the Queen. "You may go now."
Sizing up his wife's chances in her presidential bid, and thinking back on that meeting, Bill Clinton spoke to Hillary. He said to her, "I have a Riddle for you, and the answer is very important. Your parents had a child, and it was not your sister, and it was not your brother. Who was that child?"
Hillary replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer. Can I deliberate on this for awhile?"
"Yes," said Bill, "I'll give you four hours to come up with the answer."
So Hillary called a meeting of her campaign team, from top to bottom, and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. She was quite upset, not knowing what she would tell her husband, the former President. As Hillary was leaving her meeting she ran into her most formidable challenger to her Presidential Nomination, Barack Obama.
So she said, "Mr. Obama, can you answer this riddle for me? Your parents had a child, and it was not your sister, and it was not your brother. Who was the child?"
"That's seems pretty easy," said Obama, "I think the child would be me."
"Oh thank you," said Hillary. "You may just have ensured my nomination for the democratic candidate for the Presidency of the United States!"
So Hillary went back to Bill and said, "I think I know the answer to your riddle. The child was Barack Obama.!"
"No, you dip!" shouted Bill. "The child was Tony Blair."
The bottom line... guess where we're headed if we have the two of them running the country, again.
- How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
- How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
- How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path
- How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil T he Hell Out Of It.
- What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
- What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
- What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
- What Do You Call Cheese That I sn't Yours?
- What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
- What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
- What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
- What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
- What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
- What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
- Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
- Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
- Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
- What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
- What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?!
The Location of the Dirt Bag
- Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
- What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
- How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody is Gonna Lose a Trailer.
One Sunday morning, everyone in a bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Thursday, January 24, 2008
There just hasn't been that much extra special going on this week, although I do believe Alice and I have decided that the full moon's evil effects on people were at their worst on Monday. Beautiful moon, but horrible day - people couldn't drive and computers were fraught with gremlins. I had at least three or four computer issues during the day and several near misses on the trip home. Craziness. But as I said the moon was beautiful and I did get a nice shot as I was on the way home. I pulled over on Huguenot Road and snapped this early in the evening shot. Much better than trying to get a good shot in the late evening.
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
This should clear up a lot.....
On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and sufferunder the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.
For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.
For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.
And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists :
- The season opened today.
- There is no limit.
- They taste just like chicken.
- They don't like beer, pickups, country music, your mama, or Jesus.
- They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
RED NECK FIREWOOD
'Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'
'Yes. What can I do for you?'
'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith ..... He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there.'
'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'
The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.
'Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd .... Did the Sheriff come?'
'Did they chop your firewood?'
'Happy Birthday, buddy!'
(Rednecks know how to git-R-done)
1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I Froze to Death.
2nd woman: How Horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer...
We'd both still be alive.
Really Good Hints for the Inexperienced Traveler
- Be very suspicious if the advertised price of a Caribbean cruise includes the phrase "Free Ammo."
- Consider carefully before visiting a country where the license plate motto is Die American Pig.
- There is no legitimate reason for a travel agent to need to know if you have experience in jungle warfare.
- On a trip to Canada, your travel agent should not charge you for an interpreter. (Unless you go to Quebec)
- Do not board a cruise ship if passengers are being issued oars.
- Avoid any Latin American Tour named Bay of Pigs, Two.
- Do not ask for directions to a Kosher restaurant when in Syria.
- In South America, say no to anyone wanting you to deliver a suitcase of powdered sugar to their grandmother in Miami.
- If you enjoy beaches and surfing make Wyoming your second choice.
- Avoid Sudan in the summer. ( or winter )
- Buying cut rate first class tickets from a guy near an airport is not a good idea.
- Legitimate travel agents do not dress in foreign military uniforms.
A friend asked me to replace the rotted post that her mailbox sat on, but to save the beloved old box. I managed to extract all but one of the rusty nails in the bottom of the mailbox. To free the last nail, I wrapped my arms around the box in a bear hug and started yanking up.
Just then a truck came by, and the driver stuck his head out the window. "I tried that," he said, "but the bills just keep on coming."
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
An Amish farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.
The Amish man shouts: 'Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.'
Which means: 'Don't drink the water, the cows have shit in it.'
The man shouts back: 'I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English.'
The Amish man says: 'Use two hands,.You'll get more.'
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
I had a lovely dinner out this evening with one of the doctors. I really did enjoy getting out and having some social time. A very nice time.
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
The board of education in a nearby town sold off a building that had been a one-room schoolhouse, which the buyer converted into a tavern.
One day an elderly man was walking by the place with his grandson. The old man pointed to the building and said, "That's where I used to go to school."
"Really?" asked the boy. "Who was the bartender then?"
A Commentary By Jay Leno
"The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true, given the source, right?
The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed, and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In essence, 2/3's of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change.
So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ''What are we so unhappy about?'' Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?
Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?
Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?
Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time, and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?
Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state?
Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?
I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough.
Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provides services to help all, and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.
Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings.
Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.
This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers.
How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?
Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy.
Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet has a great disdain for its citizens . They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have , and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.
I know, I know. What about the President who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The President who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same President who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The President that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks?
The Commander-In Chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't t take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?
Think about it ..are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the "Media" told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day.
Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go.
They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig.
So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media If it bleeds, it leads; and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells, and when criticized, try to defend their actions by "justifying" them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about "how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way"...Insane!
Stop buying the negativism you are fed everyday by the media. /**/Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. /**/Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad.
We are among the most blessed people on Earth, and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
Jay Leno 2007
Thursday, January 17, 2008
We had a great dinner out at the Bookbinder's this evening. The food was excellent! as well as the conversation.
"Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish??
He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to Do?"
You'll love the answer...
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box?..."
Never Lie To A Woman...!!!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Sean gave me a call about midday - he was seeing big chunky snowflakes. A couple of other people at the office had seen them as well, but I missed it. Oh well, another day.
I talked to Tim about the deceased computer - he said that part of the motherboard had turned black and that the hard drive failed all the tests.
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
Monday, January 14, 2008
I finally made it out to do some laundry - procrastination has not been a good thing. Here it is almost 8:30 p.m. and I'm about ready to head across the street to pick up our clothes. I truly hate doing laundry outside the house. I can hardly wait to move into the new apartment, so that I can have a washer in dryer in the apartment.
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
By Walter E. Williams - Last December, President Bush signed an energy bill that will ban the sale of Edison's incandescent bulb, starting with the 100-watt bulb in 2012 and ending with the 40-watt bulb by 2014.
You say, "Hey, Williams, what's wrong with saving energy, reducing our carbon footprint and stopping global warming?" Before you get too enthused over governmental energy-saving efforts, you might ponder what's down the road.
The California Energy Commission has recently proposed amendments to its standards for energy efficiency (www.energy.ca.gov/2007publications/CEC- 400-2007-017/CEC-400-2007-017-45DAY.PDF).
These standards include a requirement that any new or modified heating or air conditioning system must include a programmable communicating thermostat (PCT) whose settings can be remotely controlled by government authorities. A thermostat czar, sitting in Sacramento, would be empowered to remotely reduce the heating or cooling of your house during what he deems as an "emergency event."
Say you disagree with the czar's temperature setting for your house, the California Energy Commission is one step ahead of you with the provision: "The PCT shall not allow customer changes to thermostat settings during emergency events." In other words, the thermostat must be configured in a way that doesn't allow the customer to override the czar's decision.
Some people might agree with this level of government control over their lives, but if these amendments become law, you can safely bet other intrusive energy-saving proposals are waiting in the wing.
For now, California's energy Nazis are simply testing how much intrusiveness Californians will peaceably accept. I can easily imagine California's Energy Commission requiring remotely controlled main circuit-breaker boxes that control all the electricity coming into your house. That would enable the energy czar to better manage your use.
Say you're preparing a big dinner. The energy czar might decide you don't need so much heat in the rest of the house. Or, preparing a big dinner might mean the energy czar would turn off the energy to your washing machine and dryer while the electric stove is on.
There's no end to what the energy czar could do, particularly if he enlists the aid of California's Department of Health Services. Getting six to eight hours sleep each night is healthy; good health lowers health costs. So why not make it possible for the energy czar to turn the lights off at a certain hour?
California's Department of Education knows children should do their homework after school rather than sit playing videogames or watching television. The energy czar could improve education outcomes simply by turning off the television, or at least turning off all noneducational programs.
Of course, there could be a generous provision whereby if an adult is present, he could use a password to operate the television.
You say, "Williams, you must be mad. All that would never happen." That's the same charge one might have made back in the '60s, when the anti-tobacco movement started, if someone predicted that the day would come when some cities, such as Calabasas, Calif., would outlaw smoking on public streets.
Back in the '60s, had someone predicted that there would be bans on restaurants serving foie gras; citations for driving without a seat belt, that the government said would be unnecessary if cars had air bags; and school bans on kids having peanut butter sandwiches in their lunchbox, I'm sure people would have said that would never happen.
California's Energy Commission, along with its legislature, has the power to mandate that all existing — as well as new — heating and cooling devices have programmable communicating thermostats by 2009. After all, it's never too early to start saving energy or prepare for an "emergency event." The reason they won't is because they would encounter too much political resistance. Their agenda is far more achievable using techniques dear to all tyrants: There's less resistance if liberty is taken away a little bit at a time.
Walter E. Williams is a nationally syndicated columnist and professor of economics at George Mason University.
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her.
This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman the finger.
"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:
I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.
That's 96 miles each day.
Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.
Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.
There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.
That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.
Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.
That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.
Statistically, females drive half of these.
That's 18,000 women drivers!
In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.
According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding.
According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.
And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.
According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.
That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.
Give her the finger? I don't think so!
The following is an ad that appeared four days in a row in a real-life newspaper -- the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake.
MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 PM and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.
TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred in R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 PM."
WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 PM and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."
THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit!
A church was looking for a new minister, and the selection committee finally recommended a young man just out of the seminary. Many older church members protested that a more experienced man would have been preferable.
Committee members retaliated with the argument that a younger minister might breathe fresh life into the congregation. At the end of the meeting, one commented to another, older member, that this marked the beginning of better things for their church
"Yes," the elder said with a wry smile. "Looks like we're moving on to greener pastors."
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for both herself and her husband. The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together."Sweetie," the woman replied, "I've just spent 10 days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I know what I'm requesting!"
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, Except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."
Mujibar said, "I am ready."The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready."
The manager said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems. No doubt you have spoken to him.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
I headed out this morning to work for a short while, before heading off with Walter & Dad to pick up Walter's truck. He was pleased with his new vehicle and is anxious to once again get behind the wheel. The Jimmy sure does fit him. :) After the business of the morning was over, I went back to work for the remainder of the afternoon.
Walter got out of the house this evening with one of his friends. It was good that he was able to get out and do something a little different this evening.
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) Leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked forward to hearing them.
The next evening, I was puzzled when four members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them.
"This is our prison quartet," he said, "behind a few bars and always looking for the key."
An older lady was expecting a gentleman friend to call on her later in the day. She was nervous because her eyesight was failing and was afraid her friend might reject her because she was less than perfect. So, she came up with a plan to prove to him that she could see perfectly.
She put a straight pin in a tree that was about 200 feet from her front porch.
When her beau arrived, they sat in the porch swing and were talking when she suddenly stopped the conversation and asked, "Is that a pin sticking in that tree?"
Her friend squinted his eyes and said, "I don't see a thing."
"Well, I'm going to go see," she said as she jumped up, ran toward the tree, and collided with a cow.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
We had a really nice visit. Mom had fixed pinto beans and cornbread for dinner. It was delicious! Then as an extra surprise we had a chocolate pie for dessert. The pieman was greatly pleased with dessert. He even got a second piece
Email & Newsletter Gleanings
A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small Texas town.
From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.
As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger...he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.
If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry.
The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.
Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)
Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... Not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm an d my mother blush.
My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.
I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked.. And NEVER asked to leave.
More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures. His name?...............See below:
We just call him, "TV."
* *Note: This should be required reading for every household in America!**
P. S. He has a wife now....We call her "Computer"
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
Sunday, January 6, 2008
The biggest scoop is that the Compaq had a brain glitch on Thursday evening. It really was having a terrible time. It decided that it was not going to restart without being in SafeMode, then after I tried to shut it down to reboot regularly it just sat here with a screen saying that it was shutting down. It stayed that way for hours.
So...Walter and I headed up to Circuit City on a replacement mission. There was so much information on the Compaq that needed to be retrieved. I picked up a new HP laptop to replace the other. It is very nice, but definitely going to take some getting used to using. There are a number of new whistles and bells that are nice that I didn't even find them until three days later. I do believe that I have finally gotten all the appropriate software installed and ready to go, as well as all the working files that I need transferred.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
As soon as all the paperwork goes through it looks like Walter will be driving around in the 'new' Jimmy, just as soon as he is given clearance to drive by the doctor.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
- Walter will continue on the road to recovery.
- Carla will act weird, when she wants to go outside or whatever it is that she wants to do.
- There will be continued baloney thrown out by various political candidates and eventually one will pull the wool over everyone's eyes and get elected.
- The sun will continue to rise in the East and set in the West.
- Summer will still follow Spring.
- The end of October and first of November will a horrible time to watch television. Nothing on but political advertisements and talking heads saying the same thing over and over again.
- Walter & I will move in the Spring. Carla will adjust.
- There will be the occasional road trip during the spring and summer.
- I will be in Italy in September - enjoying myself for my birthday.
- Television programming content will continue to descend into the pit of unwatchability.
- It will continue to rain as long as Walter is out on disability the second he sets foot back into the office we will immediately go back into drought conditions.
I was testing out the camera and was able to take this photo from Walter's deck.