Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween

Have a Great Day Everyone!
This afternoon most of the office and I are heading up to McAllister's for lunch. Early last week I won lunch for 10. Not a bad way to end the month.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Just for Halloween...

A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:

BUMP

BUMP

BUMP

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP

BUMP

BUMP

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him

FASTER

FASTER


BUMP

BUMP

BUMP

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping

clappity
BUMP

clappity
BUMP

clappity
BUMP


on his heels as the terrified man runs

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud crash the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup.

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket and,

(hopefully you're ready for this)

The coffin stops

White Gloves

Frequent hand washing in my job as a medical technologist and the harsh weather combined give me very dry skin.

One night as I prepared for bed, I rubbed my hands with petroleum jelly and covered them with an old pair of white gloves. As I sat in bed reading a book with my gloves on, my husband finished showering and came into the room wearing a towel.

Drying himself off, he went to the closet, selected a tie and put it on. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"Well" he replied, "if you are going to be formal. So am I."

Keeping Up Appearances

Sir William Thompson was very deaf but he did not like people to know this. One evening he had invited several friends to dinner, and while they were sitting at the table, one of the friends told a funny story.

Everyone laughed, and Sir William, who had laughed as loud as anyone, said, "That was a very funny joke, but I know a funnier one. Would you like to hear it?" They all said they would, so Sir William began his story. When it ended, everyone laughed louder than ever and Sir William smiled happily. However, he didn't know the reason for their laughter.

He had told the very same story that his friend had just told.

Questions for People 60+ or really close to it.

Q: Where can women over the age of 60 find young, sexy men, who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid spotting a wrinkle every time you walk by a mirror?
A: The next time you're in front of a mirror, take off your glasses.

Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memories is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where do 60+ year olds look for fashionable glasses?
A: Their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they
enter antique stores?
A: "I remember these"

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Tuesday Class

Here I go this morning off to downtown Richmond to attend a PhotoShop class! Fun stuff.

Be sure to check Saturday's post - I've added photos!

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Check your drivers license

This makes me so MAD!!!!! This is upsetting but I thought I should pass it along. Check your drivers license. Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the Internet, including your own! I just searched for mine and there it was... picture and all!! Thanks Homeland Security! Where are our rights?

I definitely removed mine. I suggest you do the same. Go to the web site and check it out. Just enter your name, city and state to see if yours is on file. After your license comes on the screen, click the box marked, "Please Remove." This will remove it from public viewing , but not from law enforcement.
http://www.license.shorturl.com/

Walter was irked that they had his picture there!!!

Monday, October 29, 2007

Monday

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Deer Hunters

Two deer hunters were standing on a ridge near a highway in rural south western Pennsylvania on the opening day of deer season.

They both saw a trophy-class buck meandering towards them. As the one hunter raised his gun to shoot, a funeral procession came slowly by.

The hunter lowered his gun, took off his hat, and stood with his head bowed until the procession was past. Of course by then, the deer was long gone.

The other hunter exclaimed "Wow! That was the most sportsmanlike act I've ever seen! You allowed this trophy buck to escape while showing such compassion and kindness toward someone's dearly departed. You are a great humanitarian and a shining example to sportsmen throughout the world!"

The first hunter nodded and said; "Well, we were married for 42 years."

INDIAN WINTER

It was already late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meterologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even ore firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold weather?"

"Yes," the man at the National Weather Service again replied, "It's going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again.

"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy!"

"Casket Comment"

A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died.

Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, “I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Vernon.

"But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell.

"The nut has gone to heaven."


Sunday, October 28, 2007

Highland Games & Celtic Festival Fun

I went with the boys this morning to the Richmond Highland Games & Celtic Festival. I've got pictures & video, but not a lot of time to post today.

I'm beat, but will post on this page over the next couple of days the pictures and video.

After we got home I've just hit the sofa to sleep.

Photos From the Day

The boys started off the day learning how to throw axes.

As you can see they both took to it very well.












































At the end of the day the boys finished things off by competing in an Axe Throwing Competition. They came in fourth and fifth.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Saturday

I'm up and ready to head down for another terrific day. The new guys are all ready to hit the ground running. As for me, every time I hear the presentation, I learn something new. It really make me wonder why some of this information isn't "taught" in school.

The conference finished off with a bang. It was a good day. I had the car all packed up and was leaving the conference around 4 p.m., on my way to the office to finish up one final thing before heading home.

Sean's over visiting this evening, as well as Walter. We're going to have some dinner here in a little while then watch a movie or tow before hitting the hay to get plenty of rest so that we can head off to the Celtic Festival early in the morning.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:


For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

MEN ARE LIKE...
  1. Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you.
  2. Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.
  3. Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
  4. Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
  5. Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
  6. Commercials ..... You can't believe a word they say.
  7. Department Stores .... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
  8. Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
  9. Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
  10. Popcorn .. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
  11. Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
  12. Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
  13. Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Friday Conference

Hi-ho, hi-ho it's off to conference I go...Another weekend of conferencing.

I am however rewarding myself on Sunday with the Celtic Festival.

The conference went extremely well. I had a quite enjoyable time visiting with a number of the participants. I'm looking forward to tomorrows finale. Since I'm staying at the hotel this evening, I thought that I'd include a few pictures of the room. I was pleasantly surprised when I opened the door. All I need to do is add a kitchen and a small dining area and I've got my whole apartment!

























Email & Newsletter Gleanings:


Thought For the Day: Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant" is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Thursday Evening

Here it is Thursday evening already. I'm getting ready for our conference in the morning. The trunk of the car is loaded and ready to go...almost.

I've got to get my bag packed for the overnight stay, but that won't take but a few minutes. I'm looking forward to our conference. Getting ready for it was much more relaxed than the last one, and that is wonderful.

I've really enjoyed the nice shift in the weather over the past couple of days. Although it has been rainy it has been nice to have the cooler temperatures.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Thought For the Day: Sometime in your life you will go on a journey. It will be the longest journey you have ever taken. It is the journey to find yourself. - Katherine Sharp

A Simple Request

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00

The postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President.

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:
Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC., and those jerks deducted $95.00 in taxes.
Too Much Stir Fry

Quasimodo comes home from work one night and his wife has made a delicious stir-fry.

"Great!" he says.

Next night he comes home from work, and it's stir-fry again.

"Just as delicious as last night," he says.

Next night, stir-fry again. "Tastes great, but I'm getting kind of sick of stir-fry again," he says.

Next night, stir-fry again. "Listen," he says, "tomorrow make whatever you want, as long as it's not stir-fry."

Next day he leaves work early, after asking an assistant to ring vespers for him, so that he can catch her before she begins cooking. He walks in the front door and there she is, taking the wok down off the rack.

"Aha!" he says. "You're going to make stir-fry again!"

"Don't be silly," she says. "I'm going to iron your shirts."

Irish Toast

A guy and a girl are having a drink together in a bar. The man raises his glass and says, "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead!"

"What's that mean?" asks the girl.

"That," answers her date, "is an authentic Irish toast."

"Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."

"Bread, eggs and cinnamon? What's that?"

The girl says, "That's French toast."

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Tuesday Evening

Here it is Tuesday evening already and I've not had much to say for the past couple of days. Well, here's the scoop on what's been happening.

Monday was a busy one at work. As always there is and was lots to do. After I checked in at home after work, I headed off to dance class.

The dance lessons are coming along nicely. There are moments that I could be having flash backs to the old band days. Routines and presentation. Oh the familiar ring that that has....I am improving though, especially when the partner is leading well.

Today was equally as busy and we are just ramping up for the conference weekend. We did get a surprise. The staff is getting hotel rooms, so that we don't have to get up 'extra' early on Saturday to get to the conference. Walter is going to watch after Carla for me so I won't have to worry about her.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Sunday

Here it is Sunday evening. The day has been much more than I had ever expected.

Walter came down this morning and surprised me! He was wearing his suit!!

He & I had lunch at Chilpolte's. Nice and spicy. Yum!

When we got home I check my mail, from yesterday, and my Passport had arrived! Yippee! Now I'm all set to head off anywhere that I want to go. Fun! I called Marion to check on Kimi, since she had applied for her passport on the same day that I had. She had received hers the same day as I did.

The afternoon turned into a real fiasco! I was watching a movie when Carla went crazy. A bunch of kids from the neighborhood had come around the back of the building, I thought to play. Turned out that they had witnessed a couple having a real knockdown fight. The man had pulled her back into the apartment using a choke hold - and holding a knife. The kids thought that he was going to kill her. The woman had thrown her cell phone from the balcony and yelled for someone to phone the police.

That explains the 10 kids that descended upon me. I phoned the police for them and held them here until the officer arrived and finally sorted out the whole situation. In the end I felt like I had been running a day care facility for about two hours (without pay), and was sort of frustrated that the police officer had not checked back in with me before they left to let me know that it was okay to let the kids leave. I ended up calling the dispatch back to make sure that everything was okay. The woman in question was alright - not injured - when I called back.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Halloween's Coming
Be afraid - Be very afraid!

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Saturday Events

I managed to sleep past 8 a.m. this morning, surprise, surprise, surprise.

The weather outside is lovely! I've got the sliding door open. Carla is laying in the grass enjoying the sun. I've even cleaned up the patio a bit - almost time to get all the leaves up from the dogwood tree.

Mom is coming over this morning to get a perm. I will be nice visiting with her.

Walter & I may try Howl-O-Scream this evening - if the weather stays like this we most likely will.

I got the perm put into Mom's hair. It looked really nice. I do hope that she is please and that it stays in until after the first of the year for her. We had a very nice visit. Something that we don't get to do much any more, since I've began working. There are some days that it would be nice to have those regular weekly visits that we're used to having.

Mom had taken the photo that I took of Sean standing by the fireplace and had it printed. He looked so nice. Anyway, she had brought an extra copy for me to get to Louise.

Walter popped down to visit about the time that we finished up. The weather had remained perfect for an outing to Bush Garden - so he and I left a bit before we were going to, to run several errand.

We ran out to S&K and picked up his suit - now we'll see if he will be a good guy and wear it for me on a somewhat regular basis (I doubt it but there is hope). We had the car washed, ran by the bank and the final stop before hitting the highway was L.G's. We dropped off the photo of Sean to her.

It was good seeing her. She was looking well, which is wonder.

The trip was uneventful. Ever since we started taking 60 and 199 into Williamsburg our trips have been quite smooth. Well, it was uneventful until we got into the turn lane to enter the park. That is where the sitting began. Were in line for about 30 minutes when we turned the curve to see this large sign stating "PARK AT CAPACITY", No entry or Re-entry for Approximately 1 hour, Please Exit Ahead. We were flabergasted! Who would of thought that the park would reach capacity-then we even were having a hard time grasping that all the parking space could be filled. We had just passed by the BFE Parking lot which didn't appear to be full.

Any way a bunch of cars turned around about at the sign by crossing over 4 lanes of traffic, we stuck it out and were glad that we did. By the time we hit the entry point the park was once again open and to top it off we were shuffled to the PREMIUM PARKING lot without paying extra for it!

I was able to have a couple of really fun moments. We were riding The Big Bad Wolf and as the car was leaving the station, Walter said it was time for someone to scream, which I promptly did. He about died laughing. This turned out to be great fun to scream when there was nothing scary happening. It became the running joke for the rest of the evening. Then was we were heading into the Curse of Pompeii maze, I faked a rock in my shoe so that a couple of young couples could get ahead of me in line. They were hilarious - they scared so easily.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Friday

Here we all have arrived at Friday. I trust that everyone's week has gone well and that everyone is in either good health or recovering health.

I'm headed in this morning with the office key - a bunch from the office have headed off to a conference in the Virginia Beach area. You'd think when a conference is held in a nice location like that, that they would get to see the area, but they'll be inside just about the whole time.

This evening Walter and I, weather permitting, will be heading off to Howl-O-Scream at Bush Gardens. This is just about the last opportunity that either of us will have to get down there before the season is out. I'll be at another conference next weekend, and will close out that with a trip over to the Highland Games & Celtic Festival.

The weather just didn't seem to cooperate for the trip to Howl-O-Scream, we thought that if we went towards Williamsburg, we would just end up getting soaked. So we may try on Saturday night.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Thought For the Day:

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Thursday

The day was busy as usual.

This evening Walter came by work after he got off to help rescue one of the ladies at work. She had crunched her bumper this morning, when she backed into their golf cart. He tried to pop off the bumper and pop out the dent, but he didn't quite have enough time before she had to head off to pick up her kids for the evening. The good news is that when she got home her husband was able to fix it right up since Walter had all the prep work done for him.

I took Walt out to S&K to pick out a suit for him. He was the stubborn one though. It took almost an act of congress to get him into a suit and finding a tie. He ended up with a beautiful black suit, true blue shirt with a blue/yellow/black tie. He will look so good in it, IF, I can ever get him to wear it out.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Thought For the Day: People who soar are those who refuse to sit back and wish things would change. - Charles R. Swindoll, Author and Pastor

Wal-Mart Diet

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for Daphne [my dog] and was standing in the check out line. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........I was feeling a bit crabby, so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because the last time I tried it I ended up in the hospital, but that I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in the intensive care unit with tubes coming out of almost everywhere and IV's in both arms.

Her eyes about bugged out of her head. So I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to just load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package says the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I thought something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said no.....I was sitting in the road licking my butt when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out of the store.

BATHROOM PAINTED FLOOR

*IMAGINE YOU ARE AT A PARTY on the tenth floor....*

*YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING.....* *(not that you would...)*


*AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM.... *

*You open the door.... **

NOW, REMEMBER,* *THE FLOOR IS JUST* *! A PAINTED FLOOR!**

KINDA TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY.....* *DOESN'T IT?*


Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Wednesday

Off for another day. This evening Walter & I are heading out to S&K to pick him out a new suit. I hope that we are able to find him one as easily as I did for Sean on Thursday.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
Thought For the Day: Secret: What we tell everybody to tell nobody.

"Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen"

A friend was lecturing in Latin America. He was going to use a translator, but to identify with his audience, he wanted to begin his talk by saying in Spanish, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." He arrived at the auditorium a little early and realized he did not know the Spanish words for ladies and gentlemen. Being rather resourceful, he went to the part of the building where the restrooms were, looked at the signs on the two doors, and memorized those two words.

When the audience arrived and he was introduced, he stood up and said in Spanish, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen."

The audience was shocked. He didn't know whether he had offended them or perhaps they hadn't heard him or understood him. So he decided to repeat it. Again in Spanish he said, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen."

One person in the audience began to snicker. Pretty soon the entire audience was laughing. Finally, someone told him that he had said, "Good evening, bathrooms and broom closets!"

Manners

New to town, I was eager to meet people and make friends. So one day I struck up a conversation with the only other woman in the gym. Pointing to two men playing racquetball in a nearby court, I said to her, "There's my husband." Then I added, "The thin one--not the fat one."

After a slightly uncomfortable silence, she replied, "And that's my husband--the fat one."

Tuesday

What wonderful fall day we've had today! I really enjoyed heading out of the office at lunch this afternoon. The temperature was absolutely perfect. I stayed out of the office for my whole lunch. I sat in the car enjoying the wonderful sunshine and calming atmosphere. Absolutely pleasant!!

Dance class last night was fun. We were working on the Waltz and Rumba. Fun stuff. Lots of laughs and chuckles. The dances are getting easier though.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Thought For the Day: Don't hurry, don't worry. You're only here for a short visit. So be sure and stop to smell the flowers. - Walter Hagen

NEW USE FOR VICKS

WOW! I was raised, and raised my kids with Vicks. How come I never knew this? I can't wait for my next cough. Amazing! READ IT ALL. It works 100 percent of the time, although the scientists at the Canada Research council (who discovered it) aren't sure why.

To stop nighttime coughing in a child (or an adult, as we found out personally), put Vicks Vapor Rub generously on the bottom of the feet at bedtime and then cover with socks. Even persistent, heavy, deep coughing will stop in about five minutes and stay stopped for many, many hours of relief. This works 100 percent of the time and is more effective in children than even very strong prescription cough medicines. In addition it is extremely soothing and comforting and they will sleep soundly.

I heard the head of the Canada Research Council describe these findings the part of their scientists when they were investigating the effectiveness and usage of prescription cough medicines in children as compared to alternative therapies like acupressure.

I just happened to tune in to a.m. Radio and picked up this guy talking about why cough medicines in kids often do more harm than good due to the chemical makeup of these strong drugs, so I listened. It was a surprising finding and found to be more effective than prescribed medicines for children at bed time and in addition to have a soothing and calming effect on sick children who then went on to sleep soundly.

My wife tried it on herself when she had a very deep constant and persistent cough a few weeks ago and it worked 100 percent! She said it felt like a warm blanket had enveloped her. The coughing stopped in a few minutes, and believe me, this was a deep (incredibly annoying!), every few seconds, uncontrollable cough, and she slept cough-free hours every night she used it.
If you have grandchildren, pass it on. If you end up sick, try it yourself and you will be absolutely amazed by the effect.

Mom's 2 cents worth: On the day we were at Eppington House, a man and his wife were also talking about VIcks. He uses it on warts and moles, said that it took a little time but by putting the Vicks on them, it would remove them. He said he usually put it on two or 3 times a day. That could save money on a doctor's bill.

Who's Your Daddy?

A seminary professor was vacationing with his wife in Gatlinburg, TN.

One morning, they were eating breakfast at a little restaurant, hoping to enjoy a quiet, family meal. While they were waiting for their food, they noticed a distinguished looking, white-haired man moving from table to table, visiting with the guests. The professor leaned over and whispered to his wife, "I hope he doesn't come over here." But sure enough, the man did come over to their table.

"Where are you folks from?" he asked in a friendly voice.

"Oklahoma," they answered.

"Great to have you here in Tennessee," the stranger said. "What do you do for a living?"

"I teach at a seminary," he replied.

"Oh, so you teach preachers how to preach, do you? Well, I've got a really great story for you." And with that, the gentleman pulled up a chair and sat down at the table with the couple.

The professor groaned and thought to himself, "Great ... Just what I need ...another preacher story!"

The man started, "See that mountain over there? (pointing out the restaurant window). Not far from the base of that mountain, there was a boy born to an unwed mother. He had a hard time growing up, because every place he went, he was always asked the same question, 'Hey boy, Who's your daddy?' Whether he was at school, in the grocery store or drug store, people would ask the same question, 'Who's your daddy?' He would hide at recess and lunchtime from other students. He would avoid going into stores because that question hurt him so bad. "When he was about 12 years old, a new preacher came to his church. He would always go in late and slip out early to avoid hearing the question, 'Who's your daddy?' But one day, the new preacher said the benediction so fast he got cau ght and had to walk out with the crowd. Just about the time he got to the back door, the new preacher, not knowing anything about him, put his hand on his shoulder and asked him, "Son who's your daddy? "

The whole church got deathly quiet. He could feel every eye in the church looking at him.

Now everyone would finally know the answer to the question, 'Who's your daddy?' "This new preacher, though, sensed the situation around him and using discernment that only the Holy Spirit could give, said the following to that scared little boy... "Wait a minute! I know who you are! I see the family resemblance now. You are a child of God."

With that he patted the boy on his shoulder and said, "Boy, you've got a great inheritance. Go and claim it."

"With that, the boy smiled for the first time in a long time and walked out the door a changed person. He was never the same again. Whenever anybody asked him, 'Who's your Daddy?' he'd just tell them, 'I'm a Child of God.'"

The distinguished gentleman got up from the table and said, "Isn't that a great story?"

The professor responded that it really was a great story!

As the man turned to leave, he said, "You know, if that new preacher hadn't told me that I was one of God's children, I probably never would have amounted to anything!" And he walked away.

The seminary professor and his wife were stunned He called the waitress over & asked her, "Do you know who that man was -- the one who just left that was sitting at our table?"

The waitress grinned and said, "Of course. Everybody here knows him. That's Ben Hooper. He's the former governor of Tennessee!"

Someone in your life today needs a reminder that they're one of God's children!

Monday, October 15, 2007

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Sunday

This afternoon I'm heading over to the office to do a little recording.

Great session at work - very relaxed and productive.

As for the rest of the day much going on. I've pretty much vegitated for the majority of the day.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Thought For the Day: Oh, by the way, peace is seeing a sunset and knowing Who to thank.

Drum Problem

There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every moment of it. He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did. Various attempts were made to do something about the child.

One person told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums. This reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a scientist nor a scholar.

A second person told him that drum beating was a sacred activity and should be carried out only on special occasions. The third person offered the neighbors plugs for their ears; a fourth gave the boy a book; a fifth gave the neighbors books that described a method of controlling anger through biofeedback; a sixth person gave the boy meditation exercises to make him placid and docile. None of these attempts worked.

Eventually, a wise person came along with an effective motivation. He looked at the situation, handed the child a hammer and chisel, and asked, "I wonder what's inside the drum?"

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Homecoming Dance Photos

Here are some of the better pictures of Sean and his date, Trisha that I took before the homecoming dance.


First up is Sean modeling his new suit for me. He pulls this picture off terrifically, I do believe that it would make a magazine cover.


Then there are a couple of Sean with his date, Trisha. They made a very cute couple. Their outfits really went together well. Sean's tie almost exactly matched her dress. The pink flowers in her wrist corsage looked terrific with the dress.

I worked with one of the pictures and added a nice background and frame.

Saturday Funnies

I was goofing off some late last night, Blue Mountain had a little program on line that lets you "dress-up" for Halloween. It was really cute. This is my costume for this year.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Thought For the Day:

Van Problem

The fist knocking on the door belonged to a cop. Bracing for the worst, the yard foreman opened the door. "Is that yours?" asked the officer, pointing to a company van that was jutting out into the narrow street.

"Uhh, yes it is," said the foreman. "That is, it's our company's."

"Would you mind moving it?" asked the officer.

"We've set up a speed trap, and the van's causing everyone to slow down."

Restaurant Excitement

I was having dinner at a nice restaurant the other night. The couple at the next table were smooching from the moment they sat down. Oh how romantic, young love!

But I couldn't figure out what was going on at their table after the food came. Every time the young man would take a bite, he would jump up and give the girl such a big hug that she would squeal loudly! This bizarre behavior continued about 10 times - he took a bite, gave her a big hug, she squealed....very strange. Everyone was looking!

When my waiter came by I mentioned the 'entertainment' and he said "Oh, we have that all the time in here. You see, that man ordered the Seize Her Salad."

Airport News

A man returned from a trip when a big storm hit their town, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. When he got home and into his bedroom at about 2 a.m., he found his two children in bed with his wife, apparently scared by the loud storm. He resigned himself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night.

The next day, he talked to the children, and explained that it was okay to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but, in the future, when he was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said okay.

After his next trip several weeks later, his wife and the children picked him up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for his plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.

As he entered the waiting area, his son saw him and ran toward him shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!"

As he waved back, Dad said loudly, "What's the good news?"

"Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" the boy shouted.

The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at the man's son, then turned to him, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.

Got Any Crackers

A duck walks into a bar and asks "Got any crackers?"

Bartender says no.

Duck walks out.

Duck walks in the next day and asks, "Got any crackers?" bartender says no.

Duck walks out.

Duck walks in the next day and asks, "Got any crackers?"

Bartender says, "I told you yesterday and the day before that no! and if you ask that one more time I'll nail your beak shut!"

Duck walks out.

Duck comes back the next day and asks, "Got any nails?" bartender says no.

Duck says "Good. Got any crackers?"

The latest toy to be recalled by the Chinese!

Friday, October 12, 2007

Friday

Another busy day, the work day flew by and before we knew it it was 5:45 p.m.

This evening I headed over to visit with Sean. He was in need of some maternal assistance in picking out what to wear to the Homecoming Dance tomorrow night. I took him over to S&K and got him a nice suit (shirt & tie, too) that he will be able to wear to the dance then it will be great for church as well. He looked terrific!

I do believe that he had fun with me picking it out and even trying it on wasn't too bad. The manager taught him how to tie a Windsor Knot. Sean was so pleased with himself. It was a great trip out.

I was able to take several photos of him while we were in the store. This is a pretty good one of him while he was trying on his suit. Of course, by tomorrow the pants will have been cuffed. But he sure does look handsome.

I told him "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" - I'm so glad that I was able to find something that I could get him for his birthday that was use as well as something that he wanted.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Thought For the Day: Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?

I got this movie in my email this evening. It really gave me an extreme chuckle! I hope that you have one as well.



Biker Problem

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. The poor little guy starts crying.

"Come on man. I was just giving you a hard time," the biker says. "I can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs. "I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered my wallet was still in the cab. At home I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the poison!"

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Thursday

Here we are at the end of the week. It is hard to believe that the week has flown by so quickly.

Sean had some exciting news this evening - he will be attending the high school homecoming dance this weekend with girl that he has been seeing. He met her at the skating rink a number of weeks ago. He seems quite excited and anxious to for Saturday night to get here. Hopefully I'll have some pictures to post before the end of next week.

I'm heading over to his house on Friday night to check out his outfit for Saturday night.

Walt's heading up off with the guys from work in the morning to do some camping. They are going to have a great time. I hope that the weekend goes well for them.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:


Thought For the Day: Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. - Anais Nin

ONE WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.

Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the h*** would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other s*** too.

THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny b**** to find me.

Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY:
I hate that b**** Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the D*** barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.

Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little s***) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Wednesday

The week has really been slipping past, as well as the month! It is hard to believe that it is the 10th already. Sean's birthday is just 5 days away - he'll be 15! How did he get to be so old already? It just seems like last week that he was playing on the front porch with a telephone and a hammer. Practicing his demolition skills.

Fall is slipping up on us - occasionally there is the nip in the air, then again summer is still trying to make a stand. 85-degree days are not the thing that Fall days are made of. I'm sure that by the end of the month we'll all be wishing for a few of these warmer days.

I remember that the Celtic Festival last year was frigid and by the next week when the Oyster Festival came around it was cold and rainy. I'm hoping for much better weather this year.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Thought For the Day: Maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values. — Joshua Liebman

Responsibility

The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.

"Look Miss," said the foreman, "do you have any experience in picking lemons?"

"Well... as a matter if fact, Yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times."

"Miracle Cure"

Doctor Bloom who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, completely bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office, and, amazingly, emerged within half an hour walking completely erect with her head held high.

A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this walked up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?"

She answered, "Miracle, shmiricle. He gave me a longer cane."

Monday, October 8, 2007

Monday

October is flying by. I actually noticed that the trees behind the apartment are all beginning to display their autumn colors. The birch tree has almost dropped all of it's leaves. Even the dogwood on the patio is showing hits of red in it's leaves.

In just three short weeks it will be time for another conference and the Richmond Highland Games & Celtic Festival. Now that is something that I look forward to each fall. The weekend following that is the Urbanna Oyster Festival - which I will be going to this year. Lots to do.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:


Thought For the Day:

"TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...

This is a hoot .... sad, because it is TRUE ..... but a hoot!!!!
By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND "TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by readig the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in. Now, here goes...

The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today......

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

Room Service: " Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

Rom Service: "Ow July den?"

Guest: ".....What??"

Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"

Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please."

Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

Guest: "Crisp will be fine."

Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

Guest: "What?"

Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

Guest: "I... don't think so."

RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RoomService: "We bodder?"

Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

RoomService: "Wad?!?"

Guest: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."

RoomService: "Copy?"

u est: "Excuse me?"

RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?"

Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."

RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... rye??"

Guest: "Whatever you say."

RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds."

Guest: "You're welcome"

Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' ".....and you do, don't you!

{I must be having a slow afternoon - I'm still scratching my head! - jps. I get it now, after scrolling to the bottom of the original email. 'Thank you very much"!}

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Sunday

It has been a tremendously busy weekend. We had a successful conference so the work was worth all the effort.

I have been taking advantage of the day off. I slept late and have done absolutely nothing of consequence today.

I've used the Archos to tape of a couple of the VHS tapes over to a digital format, but that hasn't required any effort on my part other than turning the tape on and off.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Thought For the Day: “Courage... is the universal virtue of all those who choose to do the right thing over the expedient thing. It is the common currency of all those who do what they are supposed to do in a time of conflict, crisis and confusion.— Florence Nightengale

Friday, October 5, 2007

Friday Conference

The first day of the conference has arrived. I'm already up and ready to get out to start the day. I don't believe that we'll be terribly late this evening as there is no group event scheduled for tonight.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Thought For the Day: Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Neighbors

You Know You Live in a Small Town When...
  • The "road hog" in front of you on Main Street is a farmer's combine.
  • The local phone book has only one yellow page.
  • Third Street is on the edge of town.
  • You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it's still there, on the same chair.
  • You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going anyway.
  • No social events can be scheduled when the school gym floor is being varnished.
  • You call a wrong number and are supplied with the correct one.
  • Everyone knows all the news before it's published; residents read the hometown paper just to see whether the publisher got it right.
Letter to the Editor

This is a good example of where we are today in the USA. We are so far away from what our country was founded on. Jim Neugent is a coach in Childress , Texas

Jim writes:

My name is Jim Neugent. I wrote to ABC (on-line) concerning a program called "THE PRACTICE." In last nights episode, one of the lawyer's mothers decided she is gay and wanted her son to go to court and help her get a marriage license so she could marry her 'partner.' I sent the following letter to ABC yesterday and really did not expect a reply, but I did get one.

My original message was:

ABC is obsessed with the subject of homosexuality. I will no longer watch any of your
attempts to convince the world that homosexuality is OK. 'THE PRACTICE' can be a fairly good show, but last night's program was so typical of your agenda. You picked the 'dufus' of the office to be the one who was against the idea of his mother being gay, and made him look like a whiner because he had convictions. This type of mentality calls people like me a gay basher."

Read the first chapter of Romans (that's in the Bible) and see what the apostle Paul had to say about it... He, God and Jesus were all 'gay bashers' What if she'd fallen in love with her cocker spaniel? Is that an alternative life style? (By the way, the Bible speaks against that,too.)

--Jim Neugent

==============================================

Here is ABC's reply from the ABC on-line webmaster:

How about getting your nose out of the Bible (which is ONLY a book of stories compiled by MANY different writers hundreds of years ago) and read the declaration of independence (what our nation is built on ), where it says "All Men are Created equal," and try treating them that way for a change!

Or better yet, try thinking for yourself and stop using an archaic book of stories as your lame crutch for your existence. You are in the minority in this country, and your boycott will not affect us at ABC or our freedom of statement.

==============================================

Jim Neugent's second response ! to ABC:

Thanks for your reply. From your harsh reply, evidently I hit a nerve. I will share it with all with whom I come in contact. Hopefully, the Arkansas Democrat Newspaper will include it in one of their columns and I will be praying for you.

- -Jim Neugent

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Thursday

How is everyone this morning? I trust that everyone's health is on the up swing.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Thought For the Day: One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to be done. - Marie Curie

Liberal Democrat

A first grade teacher explained to her class that she was a liberal Democrat. She then asked her students to raise their hands if they were liberal Democrats, too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was, but wanting to please their teacher, hands exploded into the air like fleshy fireworks.

There was, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asked Lucy why she decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a liberal Democrat," Lucy said.

The teacher asked, "Then what are you?"

"I'm a proud conservative Republican" said the little girl.

The teacher, a little perturbed & red-faced, asked Lucy why she was a conservative Republican?

Lucy proclaimed, "Well, I was brought up to trust in myself and freedom, instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My Dad and Mom are conservative Republicans, and I am a conservative Republican too."

The teacher calmly pointed out, "That's no reason. What if your Mom and Dad were both morons? What would you be then?"

Lucy answered, "Then, I'd be a liberal Democrat."

COLORED Folks

This was written by a black gentleman in Texas And is so funny. What a great sense of humor And creativity!!!

When I was born, I was Black, When I grew up, I was BLACK, When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK, When I got cold, I was BLACK, When I was scared, I was BLACK, When I was sick, I was BLACK, And when I die, I'll still be BLACK.

NOW, You "white" folks.... When you're born, you're PINK, When you grow-up, you're WHITE, When you go in the sun, you get RED, When you're cold, you turn BLUE, When you're scared, you're YELLOW, When you get sick, you're GREEN, When you bruise, you turn PURPLE, And when you die, you look GRAY. So who y'all callin' C O L O R E D folks?

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Wednesday

MORNING!

Well it's evening NOW and it HAS BEen reALLY Busy AND strANGE. Walter is OVER and is meSSINg wITH thE comPUTer WHile I'm TryinG to TYPE. thIS Is h i s idEA of Fu n 1 !!
WhO k N ows WHAt thi s iS Goin g t o L O OK LIK e O n l InE .

I started off my evening returning phone calls and have been on the phone for about 2 hours catching up with everyone that has phoned. I spoke with Marion and she was telling me about Sarah taking FENCING lessons. Now that is mind blowing! A legally blind kid playing with sharp objects!

Ed who used to work at the office called to check in and see what was happening. I was glad to hear that he is doing well in his new endeavor.

I was able to catch up with Alice, I was glad to hear that she is feeling somewhat better. I hope that she will keep on improving. Mom tells me that Tim is still suffering from some headaches, I do hope that he starts to improve sometime soon. It would great to have everyone back up to snuff.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Thought For the Day:
Excellence is doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.

How To Plant Your Garden

First, you Come to the garden alone,
While the dew is still on the roses....

FOR THE GARDEN OF YOUR DAILY LIVING,

PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS

1. Peace of mind
2. Peace of heart
3. Peace of soul

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:

1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:

1. Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another

NO GARDEN IS WITHOUT TURNIPS:

1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help one another

TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN WE MUST HAVE THYME:

1. Thyme for each other
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends

WATER FREELY WITH PATIENCE AND CULTIVATE WITH LOVE. THERE IS MUCH FRUIT IN YOUR GARDEN BECAUSE YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Tuesday

I've been as busy as a bee for the past few days.

Sunday after church I was heading down to the Food Lion to pick up a few things when I saw signs for an open house for ballroom dancing. Now this has been something that I wanted to do in preparation for my trip to Italy, so I dropped in and found out that the lessons can be done on a drop in basis. Just show up pay for the class and go. No muss no fuss. So of course this was the just the thing for me since I do tend to work some strange hours from time to time. I did go ahead and purchase a 10-lesson card which gave me a substantial discount over the life of the card.

Monday was a full work day loads of preparations going on for our upcoming conference. I did however, get in to my first dance class on Monday evening. It was great. There were about 20 or so people in the class. It was a really interesting adventure. I started learning some of the beginning steps to the Cha-Cha and Swing. It is just going to take repetition to get them down pat. It sort of reminds me of my color guard days, practice, practice, practice.....

I had a brief phone call from Danielle this evening. It was nice to hear from her. I'm glad that they are doing well. After dinner I put in some time at home working on a teleseminar and a few odd and end graphics.

Email & Newsletter Gleanings:

Thought For the Day: When your heart is in your dreams, then there's nothing too extreme. - J. Cricket 1940

Who Walks into your life

The first sentence is pretty powerful!!!

God determines who walks into your life....it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go. I need this back. If you'll do this for me, I'll do it for you....


Father, God bless all my friends in whatever it is that You know they may be needing this day! And may their life be full of your peace, prosperity and power as they seek to have a closer relationship with you.

Amen.

ALL EUROPEAN LIFE DIED IN AUSCHWITZ

The following is a copy of an article written by Spanish writer Sebastian Vilar Rodrigez and published in a Spanish newspaper on 5-22-07. It doesn't take much imagination to extrapolate the message to the rest of Europe - and possibly to the rest of the world.

=====================================================

REMEMBER AS YOU READ -- IT WAS IN A SPANISH PAPER Date: Tue, 22 May 2007 14:30:20 -0500

ALL EUROPEAN LIFE DIED IN AUSCHWITZ By Sebastian Vilar Rodrigez(*)

I walked down the street in Barcelona, and suddenly discovered a terrible truth - Europe died in Auschwitz . We killed six million Jews and replaced them with 20 million Muslims. In Auschwitz we burned a culture, thought, creativity, talent. We destroyed the chosen people, truly chosen, because they produced great and wonderful people who changed the world.

The contribution of this people is felt in all areas of life: science, art, international trade, and above all, as the conscience of the world. These are the people we burned.

And under the pretense of tolerance, and because we wanted to prove to ourselves that we were cured of the disease of racism, we opened our gates to 20 million Muslims, who brought us stupidity and ignorance, religious extremism and lack of tolerance, crime and poverty, due to an unwillingness to work and support their families with pride.

They have blown up our trains and turned our beautiful Spanish cities into the third world, drowning in filth and crime.

Shut up in the apartments they receive free from the government, they plan the murder and destruction of their naive hosts.

And thus, in our misery, we have exchanged culture for fanatical hatred, creative skill for destructive skill, intelligence for backwardness and superstition.

We have exchanged the pursuit of peace of the Jews of Europe and their talent for hoping for a better future for their children, their determined clinging to life because life is holy, for those who pursue death, for people consumed by the desire for death for themselves and others, for our children and theirs.

What a terrible mistake was made by miserable Europe.

***********************************
A lot of Americans have become so insulated from reality that they imagine America can suffer defeat without any inconvenience to themselves.

Absolutely No Profiling! Pause a moment, reflect back, and take the following multiple choice test.

These events are actual events from history. They really happened! Do you remember?

1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by:
a. Superman
b. Jay Leno
c. Harry Potter
d. A Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40
2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by:
a. Olga Corbett
b. Sitting Bull
c. Arnold Schwarzenegger
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
3. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by:
a. Lost Norwegians
b. Elvis
c. A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
4. During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:
a. John Dillinger
b. The King of Sweden
c. The Boy Scouts
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
5. In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
a. A pizza delivery boy
b. Pee Wee Herman
c. Geraldo Rivera
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
6. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in his wheelchair by:
a. The Smurfs
b. Davey Jones
c. The Little Mermaid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
7. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a US Navy diver trying to rescue passengers was murdered by:
a. Captain Kidd
b. Charles Lindberg
c. Mother Teresa
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
8. In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
a. Scooby Doo
b. The Tooth Fairy
c.The Sundance Kid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
9. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:
a. Richard Simmons
b. Grandma Moses
c. Michael Jordan
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
10. In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
a. Mr. Rogers
b. Hillary Clinton, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems
c. The World Wrestling Federation
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
11. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles to take out the World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon and the other was diverted and crashed by the passengers. Thousands of people were killed by:
a. Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd
b. The Supreme Court of Florida
c. Mr. Bean
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
12. In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan an against:
a. Enron
b. The Lutheran Church
c. The NFL
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
13. In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
a. Bonnie and Clyde
b. Captain Kangaroo
c. Billy Graham
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
No, I really don't see a pattern here to justify profiling, do you? So, to ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport security screeners will no longer be allowed to profile certain people. They must conduct random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, secret agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips, and Medal of Honor winner and former Governor Joe Foss, but leave Muslim Males between the ages 17 and 40 alone lest they be guilty of profiling. Let's send this to as many people as we can so that the Gloria Aldreds and other dunder-headed attorneys along with Federal Justices that want to thwart common sense, feel ashamed of themselves -- if they have any such sense ..

As the writer of the award winning story "Forrest Gump" so aptly put it, "Stupid is as stupid does."