The day started off pretty well, until Verizon showed up at the office to begin the change over of our phone service. The phone room is a mess and it is requiring a whole lot more to get it working than just flipping a couple of switches. I can hardly wait to get the mess over with....
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
Thought For the Day: Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Play Ball
Bill and Hillary Clinton are at the Yankee season opener sitting in the first box seat row, Secret Service agents directly behind them. One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill.
At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the Agent, and then nods his head NO.
The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was at the unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner on down to the bat boy."
Bill hesitates...but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him that the fans would love it!
Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Okay, if that's what the people want." With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the low box seat fence sprawling head over heels onto the field.
She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming "I'll kill you! You @ #$!&&&&&&&&*%$%**!!!..
The crowd goes absolutely wild; fans are jumping up & down, cheering, hooting & hollering, and high-fiving.
Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that, I would never have believed how much everyone would enjoy that!" Noticing his agent has gone totally pale, Bill asks him, "What's wrong?".
The agent replies, "Mr. President, I said they wanted you to throw out the first "Pitch".
Fair Tax
At a business conference in Montpelier, Vermont, the state tax commissioner asked the audience which sort of taxation they found fairest.
There was a pause, and then a white-haired man in the back raised his hand. "The poll tax," he said.
"But the poll tax was repealed," replied the commissioner.
"I know," declared the man, "that's what I like about it."
A Long Walk
In a remote village in Central America the word got out among the peoples of the region that one of the American missionaries that had served this country for many years was about to return to the US to live our the remaining years of her life.
The nationals desired to honor her for her years of service with a public time of appreciation. News of the event went to all parts of the country in which the missionary was known to the people. One very old and very poor man walked to the ceremony over mountainous terrain for 4 days to bring his gift to the missionary.
The gift consisted of 2 coconuts, but it was all the man had. The missionary recognized the man as coming from the remote village in the mountains.
"Brother, I cannot believe that you would walk so far to present me with this gift," said the missionary to the man.
His response? "Long walk part of gift."
Graveside Observation
A newly widowed man stood at the cemetery next to his wife's casket. When the graveside service had no more than terminated, there was a tremendous burst of thunder accompanied by a distant lightning bolt and more rumbling thunder.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."
Tail Whacker
A woman was working in her yard with the weed whacker, when she accidentally cut off the tail of her cat.
She ran screaming into the house, and told her husband, wondering what to do.
He replied calmly, "Get the cat, and the tail, and we'll take them to Wal-Mart."
She was incredulous. "How could that possibly help?" she asked.
"Well," he replied, "they're the world's largest retailer."
Email & Newsletter Gleanings:
Thought For the Day: Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Bill and Hillary Clinton are at the Yankee season opener sitting in the first box seat row, Secret Service agents directly behind them. One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill.
At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the Agent, and then nods his head NO.
The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was at the unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner on down to the bat boy."
Bill hesitates...but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him that the fans would love it!
Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Okay, if that's what the people want." With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the low box seat fence sprawling head over heels onto the field.
She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming "I'll kill you! You @ #$!&&&&&&&&*%$%**!!!..
The crowd goes absolutely wild; fans are jumping up & down, cheering, hooting & hollering, and high-fiving.
Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that, I would never have believed how much everyone would enjoy that!" Noticing his agent has gone totally pale, Bill asks him, "What's wrong?".
The agent replies, "Mr. President, I said they wanted you to throw out the first "Pitch".
At a business conference in Montpelier, Vermont, the state tax commissioner asked the audience which sort of taxation they found fairest.
There was a pause, and then a white-haired man in the back raised his hand. "The poll tax," he said.
"But the poll tax was repealed," replied the commissioner.
"I know," declared the man, "that's what I like about it."
In a remote village in Central America the word got out among the peoples of the region that one of the American missionaries that had served this country for many years was about to return to the US to live our the remaining years of her life.
The nationals desired to honor her for her years of service with a public time of appreciation. News of the event went to all parts of the country in which the missionary was known to the people. One very old and very poor man walked to the ceremony over mountainous terrain for 4 days to bring his gift to the missionary.
The gift consisted of 2 coconuts, but it was all the man had. The missionary recognized the man as coming from the remote village in the mountains.
"Brother, I cannot believe that you would walk so far to present me with this gift," said the missionary to the man.
His response? "Long walk part of gift."
A newly widowed man stood at the cemetery next to his wife's casket. When the graveside service had no more than terminated, there was a tremendous burst of thunder accompanied by a distant lightning bolt and more rumbling thunder.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."
A woman was working in her yard with the weed whacker, when she accidentally cut off the tail of her cat.
She ran screaming into the house, and told her husband, wondering what to do.
He replied calmly, "Get the cat, and the tail, and we'll take them to Wal-Mart."
She was incredulous. "How could that possibly help?" she asked.
"Well," he replied, "they're the world's largest retailer."
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